I think this is going to take some getting used to!
I don't know how I thought this would all be when I came back but I didn't really have time to think of it at all, everything seemed to happen so fast. One minute there I was with all my old friends and Nanny in that land of the other side trying to gain an understanding of what was going on and the next I'm home again with my best friends and familiar territory. But it's not really familiar territory at all, oh no I can tell things are going to be very different from before.
And what about that revelation from Troy, Troy was The First! My mind is all befuddled with that but I can only deal with one thing at a time.
I think, looking back, that I thought I'd just come back and everything would be the same. OK I knew something's would have to be different, I mean I'm gone on such a weird adventure but it takes a lot of getting used to not been seen.
My first taste or realisation came just as this mornings sun came up when I saw the lighter Naughty Twin running across the road to meet her sister, hiding under R's car.
It was so lovely to see her. Sometimes you don't know how much you miss the simple things like a friend walking by or the sound of people you love laughing until you think you're never going to see or hear them again. When she walked by I tapped on the window but nothing.
She didn't turn around like she usually would, no reaction at all. It was then that my invisibility really struck me. I might be able to see everything, but nothing could see me.
I tapped on the window to get her attention and again nothing. A slight panic hit me, I felt trapped, trapped in silence. No I didn't like that at all.
I knew yesterday that I would have to find a way to get the Daddies to notice me but I'd automatically assumed that the cats of Catworld would be able to see me, after all we do have special catty powers and now I was just beginning to realise that wasn't to be the case.
This isn't fair, I was young and healthy and on the spin of a penny everything had changed and it could never go back to the way it was before.
Right, calm down, panic blurs and I needed to be as sharp as I could to try and find a way around this.
I took some deep breaths, yes that always helps to fight off panic. What was this I was feeling? Would I be experiencing a whole new set of emotions? I mean this was all very new to me and I had no one around to teach me or help me to understand how I should cope with this.
I then remembered a film the Daddies watched once about a man who had gone to the other side and a lady helped him to talk to his wife who was missing him very much. I needed to find someone who could hear me, someone who could act as my translator.
A noise from upstairs made me turn away from the lighter Naughty Twin, fantastic, I could hear Daddy coming down the stairs with River in his arms. My Daddy, ahhh.
I slept up with him last night on the bed in my usual spot right by his feet. Maybe he would hear me, we'd always had a special bond. Running over to the foot of the stairs I rubbed myself up against his leg. Although I could feel him, I couldn't as well, he definitely didn't feel me as he put River down, nearly on my head, yes thanks for that, and carried on walking into the kitchen.
River ran straight to the window and started to bark at the Naughty Twins, the lighter one heard her clear as day and turned around.
Now this is really frustrating!
I felt anger in my blood, not one of my favourite emotions at all. I'm a bit like Daddy who does everything he can to avoid it, he says if you feel angry or negative emotions that hurt you you may as well just punch yourself in the face to physically hurt yourself as you are doing it emotionally having such negative thoughts, but sometimes you just can't help yourself.
I called out to Daddy. Before he would have come straight to me and given me a stroke but today nothing. He couldn't hear me.
I kicked a bag of crisps on the side out of frustration and all of a sudden River came running out and looked up into my direction.
Did she hear that?
I kicked the packet again but no sound, no movement. River just stood there blinking in my direction, before she would have jumped up and spun around and even whinged but today she just stood there and blinked.
Daddy gave her a treat and opened the lock on the back entrance, to let her out. A ball of hair and crossed legs squeezed through and ran up to the Peace Garden.
I was sure she had heard me and always being one to strike while the iron is hot I ran after her.
Ah so you've come to see yourself!
Behind me the Wiseman was talking to me. He'd never done that before, talked to me without me tuning in first.
I turned to him and I could see him smiling back at me. This was very different, in all the years I'd known him his face had never changed, not one millimetre and here he was openly and without invitation talking and smiling at me.
Wow things really were different now.
Wiseman I need your help, I said out loud
No one can hear or see me apart from you and, and, and well...
It's OK little Lil' I'm here as I've always been here. Everything for you has changed and I'm here as your guide. It's been my mission all along, I just had to wait for the day. For this day!
What do I do, I'm here because I want to be but I just didn't think, it's all so new to me this.
Just like before Lil' you are now on a journey, a different journey from before, before you went to the other side but one with even more importance.
Why more importance?
To give you the answer will change what needs to happen. So that much Lil' I cannot say but I am your guide, to help you on that journey. You are doing very well already but you have many challenges ahead of you, some I think you are already becoming aware of, others are yet to make there presence known to you. You chose to come back for your reasons but there are other reasons that are far bigger than you even realise that are now your responsibility now you've chosen this path. In time, Lil' in time all will become apparent just know you are already on the path. Everything that has happened to you today, everything you are learning is a part of that. You just need to trust. Focus Lil' FOCUS!
The Wiseman had never let me down before, he was someone who always knew the answers even if at times he could be a bit cryptic but there's always been a reason for that. Focus he said, I needed to focus. Dammit, it would be easier to focus if I knew what I needed to be focusing on.
Arghhhh I screamed out, just give me a break. I let out a roar just to get it out.
River started to bark, turning to the house she started to run.
Had she heard me?
Maybe! A smile spread across my face a realisation kicking in. I'm back and this, this could be fun!
Cats and Dogs - From The Other Side